-
4:33
AM -- I woke up and put my pillow and blanket into the bottom drawer
of my desk. Went down the hall for a double espresso but some idiot
had turned the machine off. Had to settle for French Roast. Gordon
stopped me on the way back to the office and asked if I would crack
his back. He still hasn't gotten used to the floor.
-
4:38
AM -- Gordon's back cracked a little too loudly and he left for the
hospital to get checked out. I am back at my desk checking my mail.
Hmmm.... Wow! There's a note here about the planning meeting for our
new product. They've decided to call it Industry '99 because it will
do everything our other suite does plus put Federal Express, Charles
Schwab, and Nabisco out of business. Kewl, dude!
-
4:41
AM -- Got another bloody nose. I don't believe that damned doctor.
There is no way caffeine can cause this. Shit, out of Kleenex. Thank
God for that medicine cabinet.
-
4:43
AM -- Just got back and am ready for work. Boy, they keep putting new
stuff in that medicine cabinet. Vivarin! What will they think of next.
A couple of those and that espresso machine can kiss my ass.
-
4:45
AM -- Started coding. These hidden functions are tough. I don't know
how they expect me to stop someone's modem lights from blinking while
we upload their life's history during registration. Hmm.... maybe a
BIOS call to the serial driver.
-
5:01
AM -- Time for breakfast. Damned microwave. Even on defrost it still
makes the cream squirt right out of the Twinkies. Well, at least old
Gordon's not here. Yesterday he was so tweaked out on Jolt he set it
on high and the damned things exploded. Boy was maintenance pissed
off. Took em half an hour to scrape that shit off the inside of the
oven. We will have a meeting on that one.
-
5:10
AM -- Ah, nothing like a good meal. Burned my tongue though. Shit, it
hurts. Read the company newsletter while I was eating and it mentioned
that the wife changed her mind again on the layout of the kitchen at
Bill's new estate. Damn, at the rate they're going they'll move in on
the same day he throws the switch and sends the ultimatum to
Washington. Ooopps. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. That's a top
secret project. Oh, well, now you know.
-
5:16
AM -- Went out to the Web with Exploder 7.0 Beta. Just installed it
yesterday and it ate my hard drive. They aren't sure if that bug will
be fixed. Too close to shipping. The plan is to blame it on Quicken if
anyone calls support. PointCast is really hosed though and that pisses
me off. Can't get my stock quotes.
-
5:22
AM -- Gordon called. Says they've got him in a back brace. Promised to
say he slipped in the game room while playing Asteroids so he can get
L&I. He sounded a little pissed though. Better not play basketball
with him anytime soon.
-
5:28
AM -- Damned contractor called in. He says his father died. Guess I'll
be testing today too. Oh well, I'll throw in a few extra-nasty bugs
just for him to choke on next week. Damned guys are spoiled. They only
work 60 hours a week and cry like babies.
-
5:37
AM -- Cutting more code. Damned DOA objects. Never do what you want.
Stupid thing just grabbed one of my dirty jpegs and slammed it into
the server in building 36. Assholes don't even give me delete rights.
Damn. Better get over there and thrash it before the shit hits the
fan.
-
6:13
AM -- Just got back. Shit, that was close. I had to practically sell
my soul to get that picture deleted. Lucky for me that Bob had to go
take a dump. Only problem was he had just started the backup, so I
bumped into the tape to stop it and the frigging server went down. Oh
well, he'll be so busy cleaning that shit up he won't have time to
figure out what happened.
-
6:22
AM -- Gordon called back. His back is worse than they thought. He was
leaving the hospital and had to go back. He told them he slipped on
some dog shit that was out front and now they're worried he's going to
sue them. They are admitting him for observation.
-
6:41
AM -- Jerry just got in. God, he's such a prick. His "Pammy"
just walked him to his desk, as always, and played tickle the tonsils
with him just for my benefit. Damned contractors and their
girlfriends. Think I'll call H.R. and see if this is sexual
harassment.
-
7:19
AM -- Got another call from Gordon. Apparently he has a ruptured disc
and is going into emergency surgery.
-
7:32
AM -- Got a note about a special meeting. The loon that freaked out
yesterday screwed up the source code and we're gonna have to re-do
some stuff. Be back later.
-
9:17
AM -- Boy, what a ball breaker. That wacko really trashed the project.
Apparently he checked out nearly all the modules and massacred half
the code. They also mentioned that the backup was no good because that
moron Bob screwed it up this morning. God smiles on me.
-
9:49
AM -- Finally got PointCast going and downloaded the news. There's
another article about porno here at Macrosoft. Uh-oh, better do some
clean up work.
-
10:13
AM -- Finished re-formatting my drive and am waiting for the system to
finish loading. I took my zip drive down to the car and tucked it away
in the trunk.
-
10:27
AM -- Ah, espresso at last. Just in time. I have a spec meeting in
three minutes.
-
11:45
AM -- Another meeting from hell. I don't know why they call them
specs. You never actually see them until the project is done and off
to shipping. I am going to lunch.
-
12:12
PM -- Got lunch. Boy, this pizza is the best. I don't know what it is
about the cheese though. Looks a little like a dried booger. They
finally got Jolt on tap in the cafeteria. About damned time.
-
12:26
PM -- Finished lunch. Went to take a dump but the line was too long.
Gotta hold it a while longer. Ran into Leslie in the hall and she told
me I looked nice. Hmm... wonder what she wants. Reminds me. Better
call H.R. about the "lip lizards".
-
1:03
PM -- Called H.R. and talked to Rebecca. She said I might have a case
for sexual harassment if Pammy-baby was making any eye contact with me
while they were face-fucking. Suppose I could lie. Bitch wants me
anyway, I can tell.
-
1:27
PM -- Finally got to take a shit. Jeez, that was a frigging sequoia.
Stuck up there any longer and they'd have to cut it in half and count
the rings to tell how old it was.
-
1:41
PM -- Jerry just left, glaring like the prick he is. I think Rebecca
just nabbed his ass. Ha! Bite my prong you moron.
-
1:48
PM -- Jeez, I was getting grumpy. Got a double latte. That should
bring me down a little. Gordon's wife left a message on my machine
saying that he is paralyzed from the neck down. They think it's
permanent. Just hope the bastard can't talk either. I'm calling my
lawyer.
-
2:16
PM -- Rebecca called back and has her titties in a tizzy. Seems Jerry
the Fairy took Pammy Eats My Hammy down to her office and mentioned
that little incident from last week. I told her it wasn't even close
to a grope, more like a wedgie. Oh, well, something else for the
lawyer.
-
2:29
PM -- Well gag me with a frigging spatula! Another new guy. Damned
contractors. Make more money than us and have that innocent look.
Bradford, huh. That's your name? Okay, you scrotum, the next virus
will be named after you.
-
2:52
PM -- Whew. Went down to the car and took a shot of NyQuil. Man, I
gotta come down a little. Call the lawyer. Call the lawyer.
-
3:20
PM -- Oh, Fuck! Damned lawyer called me! Gordon just croaked and the
cops want to talk to me at five. Goddamned freaky bastard. What the
hell did he think I was, a frigging chiropractor?
-
3:51
PM -- Damned nose is spewing blood like a fire hydrant. Be back in a
minute.
-
4:16
PM -- Got the bleeding stopped but Janitorial is livid. They say the
stain won't come out of the carpet but hell, it's already kind of red.
-
4:58
PM -- Just got handed a notice to appear before the harassment board
on Monday. Fucking Jerry. I'll get him and that prissy-assed bitch.
-
5:22
PM -- Ah, dinner. At least the NyQuil is working a little. These pizza
rolls are the greatest. Gotta get me some next month when I go to the
store.
-
5:55
PM -- Cops showed up because I forgot to go see them. Damned Gestapo
gave me the third degree. The lawyer was already here because Jerry
filed a lawsuit and Gordon's wife is on her way over with a gun.
-
6:29
PM -- Man, what a day. Gordon's wife was caught in the parking lot but
wouldn't leave until she was allowed to bitch me out. They took me
downstairs and I faced her. Then all hell broke loose when her dog
jumped out of their Jeep and attacked my groin. Bitch must have had
him trained by some feminist group. Just stopped in to get my jacket
before they take me over to the hospital.
-
8:51
PM -- Back at last. Damned dog did some damage. Five stitches and some
rabies shots. I still don't know what the penicillin was all about.
They didn't even have any real coffee there. Gotta go get a cup.
-
9:00
PM -- Cops just phoned. I have to be at the courthouse tomorrow
morning for arraignment. They said I should bring my attorney. Ha, ha,
joke's on them. We'll be there anyway dealing with Jerry and Pammy.
-
9:36
PM -- Got the virus finished and zapped it over to that new asshole's
system. Have a nice breakfast, you dillweed.
-
9:58
PM -- Last code for the day. I finished the new voice help feature.
This is gonna be cool. I fixed one section extra special. If you play
it backwards it says "Pammy fucks the band". God, technology
is great.
-
10:25
PM -- Talked to the lawyer. He said I should bring extra clothes
tomorrow.
-
10:49
PM -- Shit! Circuit breaker in the kitchen went out. Nothing is
working. Damn. There was only one Jolt left. Better make it last.
-
11:22
PM -- Couldn't find my porno mags. I think Jerry got them. God, court
is going to be a bitch. Worse than last year.
-
11:43
PM -- Called Mom. She said I didn't get any mail. No news is good
news, I guess. She mentioned that my dog died last week. Asked if I
would be home soon.
-
12:32
AM -- Well, I think the day is over. I am going to crash if I can find
a bloodless spot on the floor. Gotta set the computer to wake me up
early. Big day tomorrow. Goodnight.
